I have been drawing for a long time, but I lost my ability to make drawings when I became pregnant with my first child. My "creativity" never disappeared, I just started making children’s books and stop motion animation for my two kids- even though it meant even less sleep than I was already getting. Somehow I just lost any passion to make what I had been making before.
These new works were crafty, gentle and created only for my loving kids. They were quite different from the artwork I used to make previously (about facing my own issues) but I made them very seriously with great energy.
My friends seemed to feel that "She gave up fine art". It was strange to me. For me, it seemed that it was all the same thing as long as the passion for 'creativity' did not disappear, even if what I made changed. However, I altered my life style drastically and had changed my style of art completely since becoming a mother, so I could understand those opinions.
But every time I heard “You don’t feel sad that the art career you built is gone?” I always thought "What is a woman's life, what is female creativity?”
When my older kid became easier to handle and his little sister began to speak a little, I suddenly wanted to make drawings again. It was like a possession had fallen, and I felt my former self return to me suddenly. But it is not exactly the same as before. I decided to have my kids "color" on my meticulous drawings.
I feel relief from the issues that I had constantly been facing with my previous art work -anxiety and fear that nothing is eternal- by the act of allowing my kids to apply the pure and bright layers of their brushstrokes on my finished drawing.
After experiencing becoming mother, even what I make changes. It has been surprising that I could keep "creativity" in myself all this time. I have not been completed by myself.
I believe that the bold color brush strokes that only children can make on top of the drawing technique I have built will become an absolute memory (which helps save me from my fear, as they did), and one layer of my continuing creativity.
I wonder how my creativity will continue to change from now on?
Views of this kind of craft and child oriented artwork as cliche are to be expected and are actually part of the piece, as women workers and mothers are regarded similarly. As the child’s gesture could be seen as ruining the drawing, similarly feminist artworks are seen as interfering with High Art.